One word for how I'm feeling, blargh because I said I would try and write in this blog everyday. Something to keep me going, and something I could actually complete every day.
And I can't even do that?!
I can't even take the time out of my (not so) busy lifestyle so sit at my laptop and write shit about what has happened to me in the last 24 hours, hah. Really...fuck my life.
Blargh because I'm at home for the weekend from Uni and don't want to go back.
Blargh because uni is starting to hack me off.
Blargh because my housemates are starting to hack me off.
Thank god no one reads these because no one actually knows any of this. ha.
Is it bad that I feel like I can't talk to any one about this? I had a drunken heart to heart with my housemate but he doesn't get it. I blubbed for hours, probably because I was fucked. But it doesn't matter, because the truth came out, and that was that. Nothing happened, nothing changed.
The only time I love uni is when I go out...or when I'm with the people that aren't my housemates, weird huh?
When it's just us 5 in our house, they annoy me. And I feel like I need to go and sit in my room, on my own and just chillax incase I shout at one of them for being annoying.
Ughhh, everything is coming out now hah.
I've come home the last couple of weekends because of all of it, I've made up excuses to come back like I said I would go to see Harry Potter with my cousin this weekend, which I did...but still...I think I would have come home anyway, just to get away from it all.
Apparently this is the time of year that students either decide to stay or leave university. And I am inconsolably torn, I never thought it would happen to me. When I'm there, I love it. But sometimes there are obvious tensions and I really cannot be bothered with it. I also have times where I think that I can't cope with the workload, and it's really not for me. But what can I do?
I'm going to stick it out. I couldn't even bring myself to tell my Mum I'm having troubles...let alone tell her that I think I'm going to drop out. She'd be heartbroken. She loves gloating to her friends that I'm at university and I fend for my funds and everything myself etc. Which, I'm not gonna lie, I really love! And I'd miss my Mum and Dad being proud of me. It's a really nice feeling, it would be for anyone.
It's just coming home feels amazing right now, probably because this term is so long, and you don't get a break from anything. Also working with about 328947394 different groups for different modules is so draining and confusing sometimes.
I sound like such a bloody moaner.
And I hate that, probably why I'm moaning here instead of actually to people's faces.
It feels better to type it all out though, bit of a weight off my shoulders knowing I'm actually coming face-to-face with what I'm feeling rather than trying to hide it ALL the time.
I'm so set on Christmas right now, that's all I'm aiming for, waiting to finish this term in a few weeks and come home for an amazing Christmas with the family.
But until then I'm just going to struggle through, because that's what you do when you have a problem isn't it?
You power through, and carry on.
'Keep Calm & Carry On'
Maybe I should just remember that quote from now on and it will get me through til the end of this year.
Thankyou blogger for letting me vent.